Beautiful?

A new Facebook fad has been floating around, at least in my neck of the woods. It looks something like this….

(Insert link of person who linked you) I accept the challenge! Here are 5 pictures that make me feel beautiful I hereby challenge (link), (link), (link), (link), and (link) to post 5 pics where you feel beautiful! (5 photos).

I have issues with this kind of stuff. This is not what the Facebook links are for. But, that nerd rage should be saved for another day.

I found myself having the toughest time finding 5 pictures that made me feel beautiful. I never feel beautiful. I cannot really name a time in my life that I have looked in the mirror and said, I am beautiful. Beauty is not a strength I possess.

I frantically looked through my hard drive of photos, trying to find pictures that made me feel beautiful. After a good 20 minutes, I realized there was no such thing. However, I do have pictures that were taken at moments I wasn’t thinking about my looks at all. I may not have been thinking about how beautiful I was, but I wasn’t really focused on my looks at all. These rare moments in my life were close enough…..

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This picture was taken New Years Day, 2009. I had a suspicion I was pregnant but wasn’t sure. I had been engaged for just over a month. At that moment I wasn’t thinking about my weight or looks at all, I was thinking about how in love I was.

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This picture in the post was a total lie. I was hyper focused on my looks that day, well I was hyper critical of my looks that day. I was two months pregnant, feeling bigger than a hippo, and totally unhappy. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to be getting married. It just wasn’t the wedding I wanted. So, no, I didn’t feel beautiful at the time this picture was taken. I just knew people would find it really odd if I didn’t include my wedding picture. (Which, lets me honest, my wedding pictures weren’t that great either.)

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You could say I was focused on how I looked. I just didn’t care if I wasn’t beautiful. I wanted to bring joy to the people around me, and help bring smiles to the other people at the event. I was the Autism Acceptance fairy, spreading the glitter of acceptance one leap at a time.

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I didn’t care how I looked when these pictures were being taken. I was soaking in the awe of nature. I had never been to a waterfall before (at least that I remember.) I had never really explored nature up to this point. I felt so empowered and blessed at that moment.

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At this moment, I didn’t care what I looked like. I just hiked 3 miles and “scrambled” down the side of a canyon. Let me tell you, beautiful was not what I even worried about. I felt empowered.

So, beautiful isn’t quite my thing. For a long time I’ve left that hold me back from a lot. I’ve felt like because I wasn’t thin, and because I wasn’t textbook pretty, that there were thing I just couldn’t do. I shouldn’t draw attention to myself. I shouldn’t go explore nature. I should only do what “fat” girls do. I’m glad I discovered I was wrong.

I look forward to more adventures when I am not thinking about my looks at all.

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15 thoughts on “Beautiful?

  1. These are such fab pics – you make an interesting point about body image, I felt amazing on my wedding day, but I had spent 2 months in the build up to it planning how I was going to look and then had a hairdresser and a bridesmain in the morning helping me look that way…that’s not real life!

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  2. I’m struggling with this myself right now. Beauty is so much more than what we see when we look in the mirror (and when we look at photos of ourselves). Strength and empowerment is part of beauty. The courage to write and share our thoughts with strangers – that’s its own kind of beauty. Keep going on those adventures. And definitely keep writing!

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  3. Oh I understand that feeling only too well. You are beautiful and every single one of those photos shows it. And every single one made me smile πŸ™‚
    That chain hasn’t reached me on fb yet, I just got tagged to share three positive things every day :-S

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  4. LOVE the fairy picture:) Such a fun picture! And I am so glad you made the realisation about beauty not needing to be linked to ‘thin’ or your looks.
    You’re a stunning girl….donning a fairy outfit for autistic kids is proof enough of that without me even having to see your face!

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  5. I am loving your blog…. I used to work with children and families who had members with autism in some forms and I am loving reading about your experiences–not that I love when you have a hard time, but I just understand a lot of the things you write about. But, that’s another post, no doubt. I saw these pictures and I was thinking that it’s a shame you didn’t find pictures that made you feel beautiful…. I think the point of the facebook thing was to point out times that make us feel beautiful, even if the photo itself isn’t the most flattering (at least, that’s the way I took it)….and I think you did a good job–your pictures ARE beautiful and you sound like a loving and fantastic mom, which, of course, any kid knows makes you beautiful! *here’s to hoping you have tons of beautiful days from now on and that you are able to spend even more time doing the things you love and taking pictures where you just don’t care, as long as it’s a happy day–because happy girls are the most beautiful!

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