A new Facebook fad has been floating around, at least in my neck of the woods. It looks something like this….
(Insert link of person who linked you) I accept the challenge! Here are 5 pictures that make me feel beautiful I hereby challenge (link), (link), (link), (link), and (link) to post 5 pics where you feel beautiful! (5 photos).
I have issues with this kind of stuff. This is not what the Facebook links are for. But, that nerd rage should be saved for another day.
I found myself having the toughest time finding 5 pictures that made me feel beautiful. I never feel beautiful. I cannot really name a time in my life that I have looked in the mirror and said, I am beautiful. Beauty is not a strength I possess.
I frantically looked through my hard drive of photos, trying to find pictures that made me feel beautiful. After a good 20 minutes, I realized there was no such thing. However, I do have pictures that were taken at moments I wasn’t thinking about my looks at all. I may not have been thinking about how beautiful I was, but I wasn’t really focused on my looks at all. These rare moments in my life were close enough…..
This picture was taken New Years Day, 2009. I had a suspicion I was pregnant but wasn’t sure. I had been engaged for just over a month. At that moment I wasn’t thinking about my weight or looks at all, I was thinking about how in love I was.
This picture in the post was a total lie. I was hyper focused on my looks that day, well I was hyper critical of my looks that day. I was two months pregnant, feeling bigger than a hippo, and totally unhappy. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to be getting married. It just wasn’t the wedding I wanted. So, no, I didn’t feel beautiful at the time this picture was taken. I just knew people would find it really odd if I didn’t include my wedding picture. (Which, lets me honest, my wedding pictures weren’t that great either.)
You could say I was focused on how I looked. I just didn’t care if I wasn’t beautiful. I wanted to bring joy to the people around me, and help bring smiles to the other people at the event. I was the Autism Acceptance fairy, spreading the glitter of acceptance one leap at a time.
I didn’t care how I looked when these pictures were being taken. I was soaking in the awe of nature. I had never been to a waterfall before (at least that I remember.) I had never really explored nature up to this point. I felt so empowered and blessed at that moment.
At this moment, I didn’t care what I looked like. I just hiked 3 miles and “scrambled” down the side of a canyon. Let me tell you, beautiful was not what I even worried about. I felt empowered.
So, beautiful isn’t quite my thing. For a long time I’ve left that hold me back from a lot. I’ve felt like because I wasn’t thin, and because I wasn’t textbook pretty, that there were thing I just couldn’t do. I shouldn’t draw attention to myself. I shouldn’t go explore nature. I should only do what “fat” girls do. I’m glad I discovered I was wrong.
I look forward to more adventures when I am not thinking about my looks at all.