A Writing 101 prompt I can really get behind!
I lost my identity when I quit my job almost six years ago. When I had my son I lost my friend to go, and lost some friends because I wasn’t as available. Of course, I lost a couple friends out of pure bitchy-ness, too. It wasn’t all the “world’s” fault.
Basically, I lost my social life. It got to the point that I was not leaving our apartment for months at a time. Not because of any anxiety issue, just because I had no where to go.
I tried to revive my social life a few times, make some friends, tried to reach out. What “friends” I found were unhealthy. The time I spent wasn’t refreshing. I always felt drained and used up. It was like I had become a really good listener, and because I so desperate for friends I was willing to be treated poorly.
I begun to believe that friends were draining. That they were supposed to be hard.
I spent so much time chasing old friends, and the friends that I was “suppose” to have that I had blocked out the possibility for new friendships. I had closed myself off to the world and latched on to these few people. Some of them I never saw, but I obsessed over it. Every time I would like about my lack of friends I would think about the people I had lost touch with.
Finally, the light bulb clicked on. People come into our lives when we need them, and they leave when their purpose is completed. Why was I chasing down people who just didn’t fit into my life anymore? We had drifted apart, we were different now.
It wasn’t like the life long friend who I hadn’t seen in years and it clicked right away. No, these people, when I ran into them, just felt awkward and distant.
I finally opened myself and my life to new people. I reached out, and created a Facebook group for people like me looking to create and maintain friendships. That was 9 months ago.
In that time I have made some amazingly close friends. These women accept my son. They accept that I’m not always self reliant when it comes to transportation. They know that monday-friday until 6pm I am practically un-reachable. I am on mother duty, and I can very rarely pull away.
They make me feel refreshed after spending time with them. It’s amazing that friendships don’t actually require that much effort. Yes, you have to keep in touch. And, yes, you get out what you put in. But, when a friendship click it’s different. It’s not hard.
Because of this, I have found my confidence. I have found that I can be happy, and I can find joy. This has given me the motivation to make healthier choices (sometimes, lol) and try to become a stronger, healthier person.
This confidence has also helped me be less cranky at home. My husband will tell you that I am in much better mood in general these days.
They also encourage me to get outdoors and enjoy. So, I get to find moments like this….
I have found my love for adventures, for the outdoors, and for girl time. I have found the courage to admit to old friends where I messed up, and I am happy to say I have found a couple of those friendships again.
Because of these close friendships I’ve been introduced to hobbies I had forgotten I loved…. like dancing. I never would have started line dancing had I gone on this journey.
I found the courage to let go of the people and attitudes that were holding me down. I found my ability to live.
For this, I will be forever grateful.